Small Mistake Huge Mistake..

Everyone makes mistake! No one is perfect.. The magnitude of mistake people make varies and nobody could really say whether it is a small mistake or a huge mistake. However, who ever made the mistake will be blamed and will always be the faulty person. But have anyone ever thought maybe both party were at fault or maybe the other party was the reason the mistake happen… Let us give it some thought. Being in a LDR and not getting as much affection or attention from your loved ones maybe a dangerous sign for a relationship. You may think that nothing would happen or your partner may not be doing anything. However, there are many things that goes beyond your mind. People adapts to situation and environment real quick. Everything could happen in a blink of an eye. There is no wrong in always letting your partner know how you are feeling and even if you have to cry your eyes out, it is always better than if you keep everything inside you and let it eat you up.. Soon enough, you'll have doubt about your feelings for your partner. It will not be effective anymore even though you keep on convincing that you still love him and you only wanted him. Especially when there is another person who is right in front of you, making you feel comfortable and showing you his way of affection. Don't let that other person knock on your heart coz, your heart will answer.. Be strong and fight back. Sit down, reflects on the times you spent with your partner,, the first time you met, the first time he holds your hand, the first kiss, the first butterfly in your tummy.. Think of all the good and the bad.. Let your heart take you back to the wonderful time you guys had and all those memories that remains as time pass.. Think and think and think.. Are you really ready to let everything go and start something new and unfamiliar OR would you stay with your partner.. Love will tell you the answer.. Let your mind go free and let your heart feel whatever it wants to.. Let the tears flow and let the butterfly tickles.. Let your voice out and SCREAM… Its not easy and will never be easy.. It doesn't have painkillers that you could take.. You would just need to experienced it.. It's a part of life.. If you are the one being hurt, think.. is this relationship more important or your partner's mistake? What if you were the one who did the mistake? What do you want him/her to do?? Is he/she worth the forgiveness?? It does take a lot of thinking.. take time and think.. :)

LDR (long distance relationship)

What is wrong with LDR? What makes it work and what destroys it? Why are people so afraid to go through with it?

What makes LDR so tough is actually a matter of TRUST, the presence of mind of each party and also the ability to control one's emotion.

There is no much difference having a LDR and having a normal relationship, the difference is just location and time. Even though you are not having a long distance relationship, there is still a chance for your relationship to fall apart.. So what is the formulae to have a strong lasting relationship?

It is hard to believe and it is hard to implement, but what is going inside our mind may or maynot be the truth that is happening in reality.. Someone taught me that being in a relationship is all about TRUST, COMMUNICATION, FORGIVING and PATIENCE.. These factors are important especially if you are in a LDR..

Reading and understanding them is easy, but when told to implement them it is not that simple. There are other factors that might prevent you from being forgiving or thoughts that stop you from trusting or feelings that make you impatience..

It's alright.. You'll get there just one by one and a step at a time.. If you truly understand the meaning of each of the words, it'll help you not only in your love life but your other necessities as well..

Until now, i'm still looking for my answer.. Let's look together and never give up on love.. :)

Our love

Every single soul is unique in their own ways. I have never liked to be compared to and I promised myself I won't do that to my kids in future. But what I didn't realise is, those words actually affected me in many ways.. I have never really looked at myself and not comparing it with anyone. I have always been comparing my life, my study, my work and even my love life.. What I didn't realise is, that my life is unique by itself.. I don't have to be anyone to be success, to be respected or to be loved..

Recently I had come across many couples, married and still in relationship. And I wonder will I ever get that happily ever after with my own prince? They were all so romantic and so loving.. But I didn't know how long that happiness will last or whether they have faced worst of the worst..

Lately I have my own issues as well,, with trust, fears and desires.. I have not handled any of them well.. But at least I know that someone will be sent to me to make me realise that all that is just to make me understand more and get more mature..

I have always wanted a fairytale relationship, where my prince will recite a poem in the morning and carry me to bed at night.. Or probably just bringing breakfast in the morning and kissing me goodnight.. In reality, there are guys like that, those romantic and loving guys.. But my reality, no.. My boyfriend may not be the guy of my dreams or what i hoped for.. But he made it clear that for what is worth.. We love each other..

Our love is different from other couples and we handle things differently.. But we know in our own heart how much our love for each other are and that we have always been happy despite all the problems we've been through.. We have fought out battles till this far and we are not going to just give up like that.. The least is that this relationship was not built on lies or disguise.. We come clean since the first we met, showing our own self, not afraid to lose to fake identity.. Even though if we were just happy for the first two months of our relationship, at least that was worth it coz it was from us and not from "us" to just get the other person to fall in love..

*well, we are still happy right now even when we are hundred thousands of kilometres away from each other..

I fell in love with this person because he was amazingly tricky and cunning and challenging.. He played the reverse psychology thingy on me.. But yet again he did knock on my door and i answered it.. Before I answered, I told myself that I will fight for this relationship no matter what and he will be the last guy for me.. If he wasn't meant to be the one for me, let him disappear before me.. But I was relieved because when I answered the door, there he was waiting to take me by the hand and gave me my happiness..

What matters is the first step of the journey.. Coz it will be essential to remind you when your road are tough..

Fear..

Fear is in everyone's life. It does't matter if you are eve or you are fifty. Everyone has their own fear. Fear of being lied to, Fear of being cheated on, Fear on losing someone, Fear of losing yourself, Fear of death and Fear of living. We never know what the future holds for us, we can never know when the world will end and all our lives are resurrected into a different world. However, we know what happens this moment in our life, and we just need to live life this instant. Human beings never get away with fear. Many people said that they might have overcome fear but we never really look deep into ourself and really reflect what is our greatest fear. I have always believed that my greatest fear is death, but there might be other factor that I'm afraid of. Once when I was just sitting and reflecting on myself and I realised that the thing I fear the most is being alone. It doesn't matter in what context but I know that I would like to always have someone beside me, consciously or unconsciously. I never liked being left alone by anyone. All through my life there are other fears as well.. Fear of being caught after lying, fear of being punished after a fault is done, fear of losing someone you really love and fear of never finding happiness in life anymore. My life has never been easy on me, there are many things that had happened in my life as a child, a teenager and now a young adult. I'm still in search of answer on how to eliminate fear in life, it may be hard but its not impossible.. :D For the mean time, we just need to face our fears..

TRUST?

Is TRUST an issue in every relationship? Why does it have to be an issue? Is there a relationship out there that does not have trust issue? Most relationship I came across has a trust issue, it doesn't matter if the couple are married, just started the relationship or already in one for some time. Although many people might deny that trust could be the main reason that relationship don't work, but it sure is a big factor. Trust doesn't only mean about "saying" the truth, there are many other meaning to TRUST someone. Many personal experience had led me to the state that I can't really trust anyone in life. Truth hurts but living in a world that you can't trust anyone hurts more. There are many occasion in my life that have put me down. When I start trusting someone, one or the other way, someone will get hurt because of that trust. For instance, a husband who could just roam around the world sleeping with prostitutes and telling his wife he got some meeting or out for a job; or a friend who is really in a mess and shares her problem with who she thinks are her best friend and got backstabbed; or even a daughter who just needs support and love from her parents but couldn't get them because they were so busy with their own problem and issues. In each and every scenario here there is a trust issue. As a husband, there are so many responsibility to fulfil. Having to work more than everyone else just to make sure that the family gets something to eat. The pressure that is in them cannot be expressed or felt by anyone but themselves. As a wife, shouldn't we be more caring about them? Instead of accusing them all the time, why don't we put ourselves in their shoes? What if all the statements weren't true? What if they did go out there and had a meeting? Aren't we just assuming things which could end the relationships we had built for so long? Let's say its true that he was sleeping with a prostitute and having fun instead of working, do you know what really happened? What is the cause? Is it because he was given extra pressure of you not trusting him enough, which helps him to do those things that could have been prevented. Think about it.. We are all human after all. We all have friends to share things that we might think its hard to talk about them to our parents. But what are the odds that your friends backstabbed you? You told her your biggest secret and she just blabs it out to the whole school just because she got the biggest news in school. Have you ever meet those kind of people? I sure do know a few. And because of them, you don't feel comfortable telling anyone about your secret anymore. You keep it to yourself, hide it from the world and fall deeper into your own sorrow. There are still people out there you can trust and are there to help you get out of your sorrow. Being a parents could be the hardest thing to do. Bringing into the world a new life, having the need to protect them and to teach them so that they'll grow up to a good person, full of love and knows responsibility. We can never be sure of how our children grow up to be but one thing we know that they are human and they do make mistakes. It could be really big that bring the family shame or it could just be a small matter. That doesn't matter because when your baby makes those mistakes, all they want is just your care and your support. Scolding them or hitting them will not teach them anything. You would need to hold their hand and make them experience so that they would know. When you lose your faith and trust in them, they lost their faith too. You can't really prevent them from not repeating your mistakes, they have their own way and they need to learn from it themselves. There are many other problem than this that took my "trust" away from me. It has always been an issue with me and I have never really dare to fall into the pit and see the truth. The world is a place where everything is of balance. You can't really treat everyone the same way. My beliefs have blinded me from the world of reality. What if there are husbands out there really working their ass off to feed their family? What if there are friends out there who are real and have always stayed by your side through the ups and downs of your dramatic life? What if there are parents out there who truly stay by your side and support you from deep inside their heart? You wouldn't know how other really feel or who they really are. If you want to know, the first step would be releasing the fear of being hurt and start to TRUST.

Is it worth it?

We'll never know when a thing is actually worth it or not. But, soon enough we'll find out. It might end happily ever after or it'll just be another heart breaking experience. Going on the third month of our long distance relationship. Nothing big seems to be the problem but I just had to feel very vulnerable, "WHY"? Other people might have never have to go through long distance relationship ever, but its not a choice for others. Well, the only choice is to break off the relationship and move on. But what if I'm those who likes challenges but at the same time don't want to be left alone? Before going through this, many friends have told me that this is hard and that it might not end as you wanted it to be. Both party could have hard time facing personal life and in addition, having to worry about someone else across the ocean. Not knowing what the other person is really doing could be very stressful to deal with. Time difference, Communication, trust, could be other issues. Frankly, I think the problem is with me. There are many things that I'm afraid to accept or face. There are things that I can't let it be hanging and not answered. I feel nothing is enough. Even though I know what he is doing and who his friends are, we still talked or at least text, at times we video call each other, but yet I still have so many things running in my head. Am I being too free? or Am I being too sensitive? Sometimes I even wonder if all this thinking, worrying, heart ache actually worth withstanding it? There are a lot of "what if's" in my head and I'm sure it'll keep on popping up now and then. There are times I just want to share my days, there are times where I just want to know how he is, sometimes I just want someone to shout to without being judged. At times I just want him to myself the whole day. Its so hard to have him on the phone for hours and hours and hours.. You know how people say that if you are far and don't see each other every minute, by the time you got the chance, that time you'll have lots to say.. But it doesn't work for me. I talk to people spontaneously and if I don't get to do that, I don't really bother anymore. But if it's something really, then I'll remember it until I can get it out. I have heard many previous story of people breaking the relationship after three months of long distance, now I could understand why. Its not totally anyone's fault but sometimes people tend to be very vulnerable and at this point of time they needed someone close to them to talk to and share everything out. My boyfriend across the ocean might have a girl next to him right now, talking and sharing their day and work with a pitcher of beer in front of them. I would never know whether this is real or just imagination. And here I am sitting in front of my computer, clearing my heads off believing that my trust for him is worth it. My wait for his return to my arms is worth waiting for and our future is worth fighting for. Whatever the end result would be, at least I know I'm the one who is truthful and loyal.

Kuching Getaway II

Being in a new place at a certain point of time might open up your mind to other culture and background. I have never been anywhere near this place before and truthfully before I met him, I have never even heard this place called "SARAWAK".. Its weird how beautiful the place is but its rarely mentioned during geography class. Anyway, I had a 2013 early trip to Kuching, a city in Sarawak.. It was a great experienced.. It was afternoon already by the time I arrived at Kuching. It was a small airport with little people. However, I know that there is something amazing waiting for me behind those airport walls. After passing through the immigration, i went outside to see who would pick me up from the unfamiliar airport. And there he was.. My man.. We drove away from the airport to the city.. Stopped by his friend salon to get a hair cut, went to pick up his dad in his workshop and then home.. Took rest for awhile and went out for dinner with his family. His family was very welcoming and warm. His parents were loving and kind, his brother and wife was kind and friendly as well not forgetting his little niece. She was so cute and chubby.. Awh,, pretty small little cute baby girl.. She likes to be dressed up pretty and gets upset if she does't get enough sleep.. >,< His sister and boyfriend were very welcoming too. I knew his sister and her boyfriend in Melbourne, we often meet and have dinner or lunch together.. I enjoyed my stay there very much.. The feeling of at home was there, it feels like a place where you will want to go again in the future and will miss the place when you left.. A few days later was Chinese New Year, I celebrate CNY in a foreign country with people I just knew and it was Marvellous. We went to his grandmother's (mother's mother) place. She actually looked pretty young and she was still strong. She could still walk on her own without any help. That was actually amazing.. We ate lunch (Misua) there.. Well,, surprisingly, that was the only place we went for 牌年 (visiting relatives during chinese new year).. After that we went home and everyone had their own agenda already.. My day wasn't over yet.. From then on, we went to his friend's house to 牌年.. It was amazing to know what they do in each and every house. It doesn't matter how many guest was there, they will always find a place and gamble. This lasted from a day before chinese new year to the fifteenth day of chinese new year. Every house they go, its either blackjack or majong.. I am just wondering how they would go through the whole year. I mean, no offence guys, but what I heard is that the beginning of a new year, you should be doing something good so that the year ahead will be good. But if you start a new year with gambling, doesn't that just mean that you'll be gambling off the whole year.. I was told that it was a tradition.. So, just go with it.. On the forth day of chinese new year, my boyfriend and a few of his friends normally go to the top of the mountain to pray. There is a huge temple. Why on the forth day? Well, it is believed that on the forth day, that is the time the 伸 (god/goddess）return back to earth. We went there very early in the morning. We start driving at 5 in the morning, because when it gets late, it will be more crowded. People tend to go there as early as possible. After praying for a new year, I ate Misua from the temple, my boyfriend says that it will bring luck if you can get to eat the first batch.. After a fierce fight, my man got two full bowls of Misua for us.. :) At night we would go karaoke or go for a beer.. Or some other night we would just be sitting in a kopitiam having kopi.. hahaha.. Their karaoke place was pretty different. It was an open area, so there wasn't any special rooms for people. Its just an area, people would sit there, drink and wait for their turn to sing. Everyone else could hear you sing. I couldn't get a picture because the place was pretty dark, so there wasn't any point of it anyway. I celebrated my birthday in one of the karaoke place "Route 42".. With a few of his friends.. I wasn't prepared, coz I didn't think there was going to be any sort of surprise, picture taking or cutting cakes.. :) Thank you guys for the cake and the song and the wishes.. He also brought me to some tourist attraction area.. It was pretty refreshing.. Far away from the hectic world, just me and the scenery.. Here are some memorable pictures when I was at Kuching. It was simple remarkable and enjoying trip.. Can't wait to visit again.. :)

Kuching Getaway

It's been YEARS since I went on a holiday.. This is the FIRST holiday out of Melbourne for the year 2013.. Early february, I jumped onto a plane to Sarawak, specifically Kuching to celebrate Chinese New Year, Valentine and my 22nd birthday. The story is pretty unexpected. My boyfriend had just graduated and he is planning to move to Singapore to look for job, but before that he was planning to go back to his hometown, Kuching to celebrate CNY with his family and friends. He was scheduled to leave on the 2nd of February in the morning. On the 31st of January his parents called him up and ask if I would be going back with him to Kuching, but unfortunately I wasn't. So they asked him to pursued me to visit Kuching. The next day, we were suppose to be having our date, because it will be really long again for us to have our next date. However in the end we ended up sitting in a coffee shop looking for flights back to Kuching. He was looking for a cheap return ticket from Melbourne to Kuching and then Kuching to Melbourne.. When we finally got the ticket, we had to call up the Emirates HQ because he wasn't able to purchase the ticket with the credit card online, so he had to call in to book the tickets. However, they took a pretty long time to provide us with the information, therefore he decided to go in to the airport the next day to book the ticket. When reached Melbourne airport the next day, the Emirates counter was closed, therefore we couldn't purchase the ticket. My boyfriend had to call back to Emirates HQ to make bookings. Later that afternoon, I received an itinerary in my email stating that I'll be flying off on the 5th of February at 3 am. I called my parents up and told them and I was surprised that they actually gave me the permission to fly off by myself to a new country with my boyfriend. It was pretty hectic as I had to work on the 4th of February night shift until 10pm. After my shift, I went back home, took a bath and went to the airport directly because if not, I will not be able to get a tram there.. In the airport I waited for an hour before actually boarding, but its alright because I was pretty excited and nervous at the same time.. :) Kuala Lumpur International Airport was my first stop.. Everything looked similar but at the same time different. Its been ages since I went there but I was happy being there.. :D I had to stop at KL to transit to Kuching. An hour transit was alright because I had to check in to the other plane, go to the domestic terminal and look for the gate. Here is some pictures I took from the Aerotrain.. Next was to get on Malaysia Airlines which will take me to KUCHING.. Here are some preparation they made before flying off.. I will share my holiday experience in Kuching the land of cat, but - have more stray dogs than cat, in part II... :)

2013 post "End of the World"...

Year 2012 passed with lots of wonderful and hurtful memories. A year full of challenges and tests. But now we can only look back and see it as a lesson to learn. People grow up everyday, wondering and thinking how the day would be like for them. What you had in mind and planned for tomorrow might not come true tomorrow but whatever really happens tomorrow, will be always a present in life. In 2012, I graduated my degree, went back to Indonesia, extend my visa and return to Melbourne again. Now I am here in Melbourne continuing my study in Accounting.. *all the best for me.. By the end of 2012, when many believes to be the end of the world, I was just working and having my holiday.. Passing each day hoping that everything will be fine and I could live to see my grandchildren. The prayer was answered. We had New Year's eve and New year's day 2013. The year started pretty tiring for me as I was working overnight between new year's eve and new year's day. However I could still spend the rest of my new year day with the one I love. By early 2013, I know that I will be living almost 30,000KM away from my baby. I was frustrated, sad and depressed. Truthfully, after being together with him, the only time we were really separated was when I went back to Indonesia, Aug 2012, and when he went back in Oct 2012. The thoughts of being far from him is pretty frightening for me, its scary. I don't really know why but I guess I have not really feel secure enough. I have not known him enough. Early February he left to Kuching, Sarawak. This means that we won't be celebrating all occasions from chinese new year (10/02/2013) to new year's eve of 2013. But a miracle happened. On the day he left, he got me a ticket back to Kuching. My flight was scheduled on the 5th February 2013. Therefore, I'll be spending my chinese new year, valentine's day and my birthday with him, his family and his friends. I was excited, nervous and happy. This is my first experienced flying off alone to a new place, meeting new people and getting to know a new culture. Three weeks in Kuching had made me learn a few things in life.. People grow up, they never stay the same, their thoughts differ from us even though we had know them since kid. The one thing that will never change is Family.. They'll always be welcoming and open to your thoughts and life. It was a great experienced for me. Amazing and unforgettable.