L.O.V.E: April 2013

We'll never know when a thing is actually worth it or not. But, soon enough we'll find out. It might end happily ever after or it'll just be another heart breaking experience. Going on the third month of our long distance relationship. Nothing big seems to be the problem but I just had to feel very vulnerable, "WHY"? Other people might have never have to go through long distance relationship ever, but its not a choice for others. Well, the only choice is to break off the relationship and move on. But what if I'm those who likes challenges but at the same time don't want to be left alone? Before going through this, many friends have told me that this is hard and that it might not end as you wanted it to be. Both party could have hard time facing personal life and in addition, having to worry about someone else across the ocean. Not knowing what the other person is really doing could be very stressful to deal with. Time difference, Communication, trust, could be other issues. Frankly, I think the problem is with me. There are many things that I'm afraid to accept or face. There are things that I can't let it be hanging and not answered. I feel nothing is enough. Even though I know what he is doing and who his friends are, we still talked or at least text, at times we video call each other, but yet I still have so many things running in my head. Am I being too free? or Am I being too sensitive? Sometimes I even wonder if all this thinking, worrying, heart ache actually worth withstanding it? There are a lot of "what if's" in my head and I'm sure it'll keep on popping up now and then. There are times I just want to share my days, there are times where I just want to know how he is, sometimes I just want someone to shout to without being judged. At times I just want him to myself the whole day. Its so hard to have him on the phone for hours and hours and hours.. You know how people say that if you are far and don't see each other every minute, by the time you got the chance, that time you'll have lots to say.. But it doesn't work for me. I talk to people spontaneously and if I don't get to do that, I don't really bother anymore. But if it's something really, then I'll remember it until I can get it out. I have heard many previous story of people breaking the relationship after three months of long distance, now I could understand why. Its not totally anyone's fault but sometimes people tend to be very vulnerable and at this point of time they needed someone close to them to talk to and share everything out. My boyfriend across the ocean might have a girl next to him right now, talking and sharing their day and work with a pitcher of beer in front of them. I would never know whether this is real or just imagination. And here I am sitting in front of my computer, clearing my heads off believing that my trust for him is worth it. My wait for his return to my arms is worth waiting for and our future is worth fighting for. Whatever the end result would be, at least I know I'm the one who is truthful and loyal.

Being in a new place at a certain point of time might open up your mind to other culture and background. I have never been anywhere near this place before and truthfully before I met him, I have never even heard this place called "SARAWAK".. Its weird how beautiful the place is but its rarely mentioned during geography class. Anyway, I had a 2013 early trip to Kuching, a city in Sarawak.. It was a great experienced.. It was afternoon already by the time I arrived at Kuching. It was a small airport with little people. However, I know that there is something amazing waiting for me behind those airport walls. After passing through the immigration, i went outside to see who would pick me up from the unfamiliar airport. And there he was.. My man.. We drove away from the airport to the city.. Stopped by his friend salon to get a hair cut, went to pick up his dad in his workshop and then home.. Took rest for awhile and went out for dinner with his family. His family was very welcoming and warm. His parents were loving and kind, his brother and wife was kind and friendly as well not forgetting his little niece. She was so cute and chubby.. Awh,, pretty small little cute baby girl.. She likes to be dressed up pretty and gets upset if she does't get enough sleep.. >,< His sister and boyfriend were very welcoming too. I knew his sister and her boyfriend in Melbourne, we often meet and have dinner or lunch together.. I enjoyed my stay there very much.. The feeling of at home was there, it feels like a place where you will want to go again in the future and will miss the place when you left..

A few days later was Chinese New Year, I celebrate CNY in a foreign country with people I just knew and it was Marvellous. We went to his grandmother's (mother's mother) place. She actually looked pretty young and she was still strong. She could still walk on her own without any help. That was actually amazing.. We ate lunch (Misua) there.. Well,, surprisingly, that was the only place we went for 牌年 (visiting relatives during chinese new year).. After that we went home and everyone had their own agenda already.. My day wasn't over yet.. From then on, we went to his friend's house to 牌年.. It was amazing to know what they do in each and every house. It doesn't matter how many guest was there, they will always find a place and gamble. This lasted from a day before chinese new year to the fifteenth day of chinese new year. Every house they go, its either blackjack or majong.. I am just wondering how they would go through the whole year. I mean, no offence guys, but what I heard is that the beginning of a new year, you should be doing something good so that the year ahead will be good. But if you start a new year with gambling, doesn't that just mean that you'll be gambling off the whole year.. I was told that it was a tradition.. So, just go with it.. On the forth day of chinese new year, my boyfriend and a few of his friends normally go to the top of the mountain to pray. There is a huge temple. Why on the forth day? Well, it is believed that on the forth day, that is the time the 伸 (god/goddess）return back to earth. We went there very early in the morning. We start driving at 5 in the morning, because when it gets late, it will be more crowded. People tend to go there as early as possible. After praying for a new year, I ate Misua from the temple, my boyfriend says that it will bring luck if you can get to eat the first batch.. After a fierce fight, my man got two full bowls of Misua for us.. :)

At night we would go karaoke or go for a beer.. Or some other night we would just be sitting in a kopitiam having kopi.. hahaha.. Their karaoke place was pretty different. It was an open area, so there wasn't any special rooms for people. Its just an area, people would sit there, drink and wait for their turn to sing. Everyone else could hear you sing. I couldn't get a picture because the place was pretty dark, so there wasn't any point of it anyway. I celebrated my birthday in one of the karaoke place "Route 42".. With a few of his friends.. I wasn't prepared, coz I didn't think there was going to be any sort of surprise, picture taking or cutting cakes.. :) Thank you guys for the cake and the song and the wishes..