Recap of another year..

Many things happen within a year, some may be good while others could have been the worst experience ever. No matter what that is, we learn from every thing we do, it doesn't matter if it was a mistake or not. Year 2013 passed leaving memories behind. The first half of the year was pretty tough. But there was beautiful pictures too. I went to Kuching to celebrate Chinese New Year, Valentine's day and my 22nd Birthday. It was wonderful and I was really happy that I was allowed to experience the holiday. I felt really blessed having a boyfriend whose family is very welcoming and friendly friends. The sad part about the whole trip was when I had to return to Melbourne and I wasn't accompanied by my boyfriend. It was his time to explore another part of the world. He was going to Singapore to pursue his dreams. Half a year passed by and my first semester doing my Master degree has just ended. I passed all my subjects and I was really happy. I didn't think of going to Singapore even though I missed him so much and that our anniversary was coming up. I stayed in Melbourne to work and hopefully I could save up enough for the year end to visit him of course after my sister's graduation. However, things start to get out of control and complicated around October. I told my parents that I'm planning to go to Singapore year end or beginning of the next year and my dad told me that I can't go even though I told him I had saved up and I'll be using my money. I had savings and I had save up for my holiday as well as for my return. I went through a really bad meltdown. I wasn't up for anything. No mood for work, no mood for uni, not even to eat. Everything crashes,, my dreams, my hope, my faith and my wish. Things probably got worse when I failed one of my mid-semester test. I failed dreadfully.. In order to pass that subject I had to work super hard for my final exam.. I need to at least get 70 out of 100 for my final exam. By this time, my boyfriend was busy with his work and we had things talked out by earlier of the next month.. I started to understand his schedule and did what he asked me to do. I was not allowed to disturb him when he is at work and I can only talk to him for max 20 minutes a day.. And when he went out or didn't find me at all, it doesn't bother me anymore. I start to think that maybe I'm used to everything already,, or that I have understood what he asked of me. However by the next month, I met someone at work and I felt something. I felt someone that could fill in all the empty room in my heart, someone that could be there to talk to or someone that could be there when i need him to. It was a mistake when I start to have my thoughts on him. I know that I'm falling and fast.. After a few days, I told my boyfriend about this guy and he told me to think about our relationship and what I want. He didn't stop me or whatever. He still acts the same and didn't change himself at all. At times he would still say things that hurts or breaks my heart. But I chose my boyfriend in the end. However, that didn't last long.. By the middle of December I have fallen and I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I was confused, I was stuck, I was stressed, I was trapped by my own feelings. I didn't let my head think but I allowed my heart to play too hard. And that's when I hit the ground hard. I let another guy kissed me.. I told my boyfriend and he stopped talking to me for two weeks. He almost ended everything between us. I begged him to think it over again and if possible give me a second chance. During that two weeks I think things thoroughly and decide what I want to do next in my life. During this time I kept on thinking, I doubted myself. I don't know if I'm ready to be committed. I don't know if I still want him,, I don't know if I still love him or am I just scared to be alone. I tried to be alone, I tried to live my life and I let him go.. I know that I still love him a lot but I didn't want it to be the love that forces me to be dependent. After two weeks I tried to recover but I was still beating myself.. Right now, frankly,, I still doubt myself.. Am I ready to be committed.. Am I still the same person I was before I met that guy, before I made the mistake.. I'm meeting my boyfriend soon and hopefully, everything will be different in a good way.. Since he decide to talk to me again, I see a few changes in him. There are a few that is permanently stuck with him, but I know that he is trying hard to change to be better.. or at least to be the guy that I want.. There are many questions that I would still need to look for the answers to.. There are still many things to be figured.. My doubts still needs to be clarified.. Hopefully, a new year will bring a greater year and this year hopefully I could accomplish all my resolutions.. The new year I'll make things happen and would not wait for things to happen..